What most people fail to realise about Unagi is that it doesn’t just apply to fighting. To be sure, Unagi is a beautiful and mysterious process of being aware of your surroundings at all times, but it applies to all sorts of other things.
I myself am a master of the art, and I use it for all sorts of things. Parallel parking, finding the perfect size in a sale, catching the bus on time: Unagi is the umbrella skill of life, which is why it’s banned in certain institutions. Take hairdressing, for example. Dealing with so many tiny hair follicles, Unagi is the perfect art for taming wild nests and tangled webs. But it cannot be so! I should know, because I’ve been visiting every hair salon in the Melbourne CBD, and I’m steadily making my way out of that circle to the whole of Melbourne, and woe betide anyone using Unagi.
It is an art for personal advancement, in one’s private sphere. If someone went into hairdressing and used Unagi, they’d have an advantage like no other, never before seen in any hair salon. Their clients would walk out of their appointments with nary a hair out of place, so great is the power and precision of Unagi, and that would cause a dramatic shift in the balance of skills. The same thing happened with the Great Unagi Scandal of 1989, when a practitioner of ice sculpting was found to be employing Unagi. The industry has not yet fully-recovered.
Anyway, I’ve been sent to investigate hair salons by my local Unagi Society. No foul play so far, and there was this one hair salon inside St James’ Place that gave me a really nice quiff. But no matter! My search continues…aided by Unagi.