Remember when the company sent out Christmas cards to all of our clients, filled with glitter, and the office was covered in glitter for the next six months? That was a bad idea. So when last year the boss suggested sending out Christmas cards filled with little cutouts of our faces to be used as some kind of sick confetti, I protested. It was a weird idea, and the worst part was sitting there for three days cutting out tiny printouts of our faces. I think that’s where my mistrust and dislike of Ivan started; he has a very odd-shaped head, and his always took far too long.
It’s only February, and already the boss has mad ideas about how to please our customers at Christmas. What is it this year? Cards in the shape of whatever these people do. I already know the pet company is going to be a nightmare. No idea what he’s planning for the catering company. The place that does work platforms in Melbourne…well, that might not be so bad. I might be able to convince him to send them a custom card in the shape of a piece of folding platform steps, but not the entire structure.
Okay, worst case scenario, he goes for the entire structure. So we end up this massive card that’s a skyscraper surrounding in scaffolding, and guess who’s going to have to be the one to do all the cutting? Oh, it’s me. How fun. I shouldn’t have revealed that I’m such a wizard with the slicing machine. Actually, I don’t know why I’m holding out any hope for the boss toning things down, because he wants everything to be bigger and better every year. That’s just great for the future of the company, but…I just don’t think horribly elaborate cards are really the best use of our time. Like, I can imagine these people opening this massive card in the shape of a complex mobile scaffolding setup and being touched, but when it comes to renewing their services, they’re going to look at other things. Like…our actual, during-the-year services.
Ugh, doesn’t matter. There’s no changing his mind.
-Carell